There would be days however you feel content with yourself, the freedom you would enjoy, free from all the cage of belongingness, you would feel lonely.
You’ll be pushed into an eternal questions of companionship. You’ll seek the need of acceptance, you’ll adore the idea of sharing with that special person. You dig deeper. You let yourself free fall into it. You accept being a person who craves love. You search for acknowledgement for your grief, your happiness, your achievements, your failures.
We’re human beings and the reality is expecting that acceptance. Otherwise you would feel aimless, hopeless. Even when you’re stubborn with the idea of self love, there would be momentary lapses. Self Love is beautiful feeling but it’s a bit complicated.
Your search for a special love arises, it becomes a needy pleasure which can be satisfied by an external Love. These are all human emotions at the least. As humans we feel, we expect.
But the higher power gives us a positive streak. Most times this slip into normalcy and our loved ones comes to aid. This is where your life from the past helps you. How have you been in your prime time, most importantly how have you been in your adversity.
These adverse moments of weakness is arrived into a caring. This time it’s not directly because of you. It’s because of the hope you had for the unconditional love you’ve imbibed from other persons.
Your Mom, Your Sister, Your Brother, Your Friends. They come for rescue. They casually turn around your mood with their Love. The Love they show which is pure and unconditional. All they need would be that you to feel okay. When you hear them out you feel the affection and care.
At the end of the day, all you need is kind word from your beloved ones, who make sure that all is going to be well and you’re going to be a person who can endure the adversities and come out successful. That’s enough.
I start with thanking You. I’ll end with the same note. But there’s an in between.
You’re a precious person as all the living beings in this world. Living, Non living, Machines were all here for a purpose. So You are. I adore the fact that You were looking for a purpose and I adore you the most when you sulked that you couldn’t find your purpose. It’s a profound thing to be aware and sulk for it. Sometimes sulking is healthy.
But you were lazy, you procrastinated, you were driven by fear. You built a cocoon around yourself. You didn’t make an effort to seek through. You failed to acknowledge your own potential. You were finding reasons for not trying and went overdose on sulking. You were shouting at empty spaces and not where it needs to be heard. You were searching for love in the external spectrum rather than within.
Yet, all along, you were authentic, you were true to your soul. You carried a style and charisma. You attracted beautiful souls. You were attracted to beautiful souls. And most of them remain your friends. The greater family you’ve got through friends were your strength. You chose love over anything. You Felt. You gave. You survived. The greatest attribute you had is that You Feel.
Your people saw the goodness in you, even if you didn’t. They saw your talents, skills, the integrity within you. The ones who were alert enough to see that in you, never left you. They were there rejoicing you, adoring you, respecting you, expecting you to exonerate your self and become completely you. They showed patience and belief in You, for You.
The day then arrived. You arrived at yourself. Miserably failing in the attempt to find someone to be a saving grace. You already had that within, now you realized it and recognized them. You found Yourself. You have you. You acknowledged the truth that You’re surrounded by a great clout of people who believe in you, who were there for you all along in the needy times.
Now You’ve finally arrived. But there are no regrets. You’ve Survived as you, you were successful on many levels, you’ve failed miserably, lost yourself, you’ve fallen and now We Rise. What you have is a solid foundation built purely based on Love. The roots have gone deep and found its hold. It’s time for me to rise an empire out of it. It’s time to grow, rise and bloom!
Thank You for being You. Thank You for holding it at tough times. Thank You for your failures. Thank You for trying. You’re truly an Authentic Soul. Cheers Mate!
Alone. Loneliness! You feel far away from the people, Physically and Emotionally. We feel as if there’s a wall between you and others. Gradually we build that in our head and we envelope our-self into it. We start to fear it.
With the current lifestyle which we’re accustomed to, results in the case where people live in islands of thoughts and mostly pushed into lonely state. To carry on a so called better livelihood mainly for financial purpose, we leave our bonding and move to a different place both physically and psychologically. This may bring up both positive and negative effects. We may need to be careful in choosing the right shade of duality.
Do we make an Angel or a devil out of this? A choice, an important choice and our way of perception towards it would forecast our life in the coming years.
We fear loneliness, we reject it and we cling onto something or someone to escape this loneliness. When something births out of this fear, it feels superficial. It’s never an organic process as per se. Even in a relationship, take away the fear of loneliness and sex, then discover if it’s really Love. Most relationships which rise based on this fear of loneliness becomes fragile after a time. We subject ourselves, allow the other person to take control, lower our self esteem and expectations. Self pity comes into picture. Finally we feel lost, we feel victimized, we hurt ourselves and others. Eventually we join the crowd, lose our authentic self and in this process we fail to reach our own pristine essence.
That’s the prime take away when we start to embrace that loneliness. All the life we were so busy interacting with others and having a comfort zone, suddenly we’ll be introduced to our own self. Embracing our self would now become easier and in turn we seek within ourselves. We have the Abundance always present around us. We would start to acknowledge and appreciate the abundance. Self Love comes into picture. You prove yourself to yourself and not others. Which makes it more compelling. We start to appreciate it and down the road, the appreciation comes back to us. We identify our talents, skills and our artistic nature. We would be surprised by our-self and the person whom we’re becoming. We got to take all the decisions by ourself and there’s always a learning curve. We fall, we rise by ourself. We bring out an Angel from within.
Now the choice is Ours. What we bring out from the Loneliness? An Angel or a Devil.
Only recently I started to notice this person and can’t stop falling in love.
That person is kind, compassionate, loving, caring, sincere, has beautiful thoughts about life. Some courage this person has, to be authentic and to resolve the loneliness with passion. Just stopped caring about what others think, the person carved into deeper self and gradually created an Own world with this Abundance. There’s no hate or spite there, but only Love. The unconditional Love which was hard to confine has now exploded into ways through Art. That person is in the verge of redefining own self. The path chosen is an estranged one, yet its what the soul needed and followed. As many hurt and rejections the person has seen, now a greater clarity come around wrapping into a gift. That Person is on a path and builds it through compassion and love in an artistic way.
Then realized most people around me were having similar shades. It’s just that I know this person closely and so is bit more refined and attuned to own self. For some it’s evident and for some we just need to look deeper. When we look within, we all have some unique qualities but we just fail to seek that more often and resulting in haze. Now that I’ve realized, I cant stop falling in love with that person and I do love that person everyday and every moment. That person is me, myself!
When we look within, everyone would have some or the other qualities which makes us Us. Acknowledge those, Appreciate it and Love thy person.
Self Love is the best kind of Love! Pamper Yourself with Abundant Love .
Take care of Yourself!
The world makes You think you’re weak. You’re alone. You’re Unrequited. You live in a Bubble. Expects You to smother down, to relax a bit, to take it easy, to vaporise your sensitivity and sensibilities.
Do we really need to? Our Sensitivity is inflammable and it burns with such passion and desire. It May not be a smooth ride, there will be a lot of bumps, unrequited desires, pushed into loneliness, pointing faults for being sensitive.
Turn into Abundance. It fuels your burning sensitivity more. You make the world a little bit kinder place, a little more compassionate by your act. You’ve the gift to understand and connect to other’s feelings. When most people shy away from understanding their own self and bow out to their ego, You sensitise it, accept it and grow more strong out of it.
Allow! Allow Yourself to be You!
You’re being a person who is Unflinching, Unabashed about your life, love and living.
Every minute details matters. It’s the same with Universe. However it may be huge and vast, every single cell of living and non living beings creates this humongous Universe. So are You. You encapsulate an Universe within You and the gift is that You realise and feel it. We are in itself an Universe of our Own. And that’s why we’re Highly Sensitive People.
The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.
While we fall, what happens when we feel deep and it’s more like a free fall? Imagine a leap and fall to death. You visualize yourself dying. Visualizing the pain. Going through the desperation. Yet we still want to fall.
Something stops You. Sometimes from your inner soul and most times an external force. But does that even matter? You’ve already gone through that process. Even at that minuscule time-frame, your mind went through all your closed ones and their reactions. You’ve thought about all the possibilities and repercussions.
Then We gradually raise. Now what matters? Literally Everything. You’re filled with gratitude and abundance. Even a crow shitting on You. You feel it and reminds that you’re alive. You’re grateful for that. At this point you’ve attained the appreciation of near existence. You Breathe and exist in the Abundance. You’re never afraid of your inner soul anymore. You’re just exonerated by Yourself. You feel free. You become Authentic to your Own Soul! You’ve Become completely You. Your Individuality shines bright. Now you’re no more a half to be compensated by a better person. You’re a complete person and You’re the best version of Yourself. You’ve Healed.
I just decided out of the blue, an idea of spending the birthday with the Mountains. Giving a quick thought, decided it would be the best gift. So I embarked on this Journey into the Abundance. After all the preparations, flying from Chennai to Bagdogra via Bangalore, a long wait in the airport with the excitement, the actual journey started.
A Nervous Start and a Saving grace, the Nature itself
A pleasant drive into the abundance and it became more colder when we drove uphills. When we stopped for the tea in the evening, I knew I had to wear more warmer clothes. But this is just a beginning. When we reached the base camp to the village of Kopidana, it was raining. Slightly drenched, we reached one of the many Homestay through the following days.
There was no power and the nerve wrecking chillness to accompany with, I was in doubt would I be able to survive in this cold. Forget the mercury level, my excitement level was down because of the cold. Then switching on to warmer thermals and a layer of dress over it helped me get over the Chillness a bit. There was an intro session with fellow trekkers and the itinerary, essentials were explained by the trek lead. The caution word given was that this will be the warmest night that we’ll be experiencing the whole trek, which irked me. Then we had our dinner and decided to go out for a walk. With just the Moonlight Shining bright we went for walk into the woods and it warmed up our bodies and heart. The exquisite moonlight, the strong fragrance of the woods and the chilling temperature made some magic into my soul and I was back again excited and looking forward to the next day and further.
The day started with myself getting before the Sun and sitting in the view point waiting for the Sunrise! He came out all Shining and wiping out the chillness and shivers. I was clicking the pictures of the mountains and the Sun coming out, all while with a wide smile. And it was a great start to my Birthday with the Abundance!
After a relaxed morning, we started for the trek after the functionary introductions, conditions and group photographs. Today we would be trekking for around 11kms and climbing from 6300ft to 9700ft, the most altitude in a single day of this trek. And without any alarm and not knowing what to expect I started walking. And to my dismay it was a steep climb in stairs initially. With my trek bag and the camera bag in my back it was challenging. After initial struggles, my body got tuned and then was able to continue my trek at a comfortable pace. We used to stop for breath and simultaneously look around the beauty, the Nature is showing off. First stop is for tea, where we crossed the Nepal Border and a beautiful valley with a Monastery. A much needed break.
The trek continued after that and gradually we could see the scatters of snow on either side of way. As it’s the first time in my life witnessing snow, my heart started dancing with joy. We had a fellow companion, a dog which was also coming along with us. Guiding us the track, resting with us, looking around the mountains, the dog also seemed excited. Then as true as a travel companion, the dog left us in the place where stopped for lunch.
While trekking, the temperature was not a problem, it was manageable and as we are walking a lot, the body temperature coped up with it. Finishing the lunch our trek continued, into many ascends and villages on the way. Around 4PM we reached our campsite for the night, Tumling. We reached our homestay with warm welcome from the local people. All the walking made my body tired and I needed rest. But with the beauty around, I couldn’t rest for a long time. After a quick refreshment, I took my camera out and wandered around the place. In an altitude of 9700ft and Sun Shining around the mountains and standing in the same level where the clouds forming a huge wave like structures, it was a sight to hold on.
With my fellow trekkers, climbed to near uphill to view the Sunset. Clear Blue Skies, Mountains around, snowy white clouds and the Sun is setting. What else can a Photographer within me would ask. I was having a gala time, and the clouds were clearing one by one showing the hidden mountains behind them. As the Sun went down, and we at rest, the temperature became gradually colder. Others started to leave for the homestay, a warmer place. But I was stubborn to be there as I wanted to witness the Sunset in its all essence. It helped as there was network in my phone. I was calling couple of friends back home and sharing the happiness with them. As the minutes tripped on, the orange color now spread onto the sky from the fading Sun. Far across, the clouds started to clear and the Majestic Mount Kanchenjunga was on display. The hardship of wait, the temperature, now faded away and the joy of witnessing this Sunset and its shades in the Ice clad mountains were worth it!
While getting drenched in the abundance, I felt the fellow trekkers also should experience it. So went back to the homestay and informed them. Like kids they started running towards the view point and witnessed the beauty. As we had this show off from the abundance, we didn’t quite mind the cold as of now. After the Sun completely went down, we returned to the homestay, to hot tea and some snacks made by the people there. We gathered around the fireplace. The unique thing about our batch of trekkers are there are only 5 members, and we are from three different countries. Two Indians, a teenager from Holland, a couple from UK. Apart from the couple, all the other were strangers to each other and we met only at the basecamp. So we were discussing about the diversities across our countries culturally, linguistically and this would be the common them of most of our discussions in the trek. This helped in learning new perspective about how humanity can be faced. All the other were warm, helpful, and gave insights without any judgement.
The two local guides from Nepal with the people from homestay, threw a surprise birthday celebration with a candle and wished me with their own style of greeting people. Making a garland of white piece of cloth, they tied around my neck and they were a pretty warm hosts for the party. We then continued playing cards while conversing all along, and then to dinner. Once dinner is over we were hanging out around the fireplace for sometime and went to bed.
The next day, after fighting it out with the cold in the night, was a fresh start. We were tad unlucky as the clouds didn’t clear out in the morning for our Sunrise view. So we stayed indoors and got ready for the trek. After waving bye to the homestay people we started our trek around 8:30 to a bright day. The morning session was a relaxed walk, basically we were trekking through the Singalila Natioanl Park and it was a comfortable trek. In the middle we crossed some villages and had a tea break in one of the villages. We were expecting the rare sight of a red panda in vain. Marching along we reached Garibosa for lunch. The climate became colder now. As true to the all the hotels there, the people were so friendly and made us comfortable. We refilled our water bottles and started the trek again, which warned by the guides would be a tough 2 kms. And it was a steep climb in steps through a thick forest. While walking it started to drizzle as we entered into the motor way road.
What followed was a long walk of 5 kms with nothing but snow and trees through the ghat road. Though it was a relaxed walk, we had toiled hard in the last 2 kms that made me walk slowly. And all the while there was a light snow fall which couldn’t be seen, but felt. One thing about that walk while reminiscing now is, all along I was in that moment and nothing else. No memories, no expectations about what’s going to happen, I was just in the moment, gazing around and watching how my body copes up with this extreme temperature and this tiring workout. The zig zag roads finally ended in a black lake. We couldn’t see the full view of lake as it was totally covered by snow and mist. The trek was exhaustive and adding to that is the freezing cold temperature. I changed into warmer clothes with multiple layering, we decided to spend the night inside the homestay. We were served hot food and we started our card game along with it. One of my fellow trekker pulled out a card trick which made the people around excited. We were talking and usually the topics circled around the diversity of this world and each of us perspective on that. Then I was introduced to the concept of hot bottle, which was really helpful to make myself warm in the bed. It made my sleep comfortable and all set for the trek next day, the toughest day in the trek!
Day 4, after our morning rituals, we were set for the trek around 9 AM. The guides informed us it would be the toughest climb, steep and into the snow all through. It’s 6 kms and the plan is to reach the summit for lunch. With curiosity and excitement of reaching the summit, started the trek. The warnings were all true and indeed it was a tough climb which was steep, and snow fall around making it more difficult. The altitude is now getting higher and higher and the lungs needed more oxygen which made me to take long deep breathes. As usual, I would take my breaks and start shooting photographs, videos. I was thinking many creative ways to divert the daunting climb ahead and the abundance around helped. After all the walking, climbing and crawling, finally reached the Summit.
The experience of this particular 6km trek was out of the world and really pushing me my limits. So after it culminated it was a great sense of achievement and relief. The sweet moment of success as a result of all the toil my body went through and you ought to have a new meaning to life. More about that later. To our dismay though it was completely snowing and there was no view and only clouds around us. We placed our bags in the homestay there and changed to warmer clothes and settled in a restaurant nearby. Throughout the trek we had roti and rice, and for a change they served Chowmein, which I felt was delicious and a welcome change to my taste buds.
It was around 3 PM and as it was a tiring trek, and the temperature in negative outside, we thought we would comfort ourselves in bed. After a few minutes in bed, thought that after all this hardships, I shouldn’t be spending the day in bed. So got up and went to the restaurant and sat down there. Made myself comfortable, gazing through the glass windows, with some music on. Spent the evening hoping the clouds would clear away. The local guide informed that according to the weather forecast it would be clear the next day.
At this moment when I had completed one of the pushing things that I’ve done in my entire life, and with nothing much to do other than sit and wait for the clouds to clear, I started reminiscing. The past four days were entirely a new experience in my life. I have never been in a trip without my friends, and never visited the Himalayas before and never believed that my body and mind would possess the strength to achieve this feat. My passion to explore the abundance was always there but this new found courage to get into action and embark into such journey was a delightful pat on my back. It gave me a confidence that anything can be achieved when you’ve the heart, passion and effort to go in with it to make it a success. This may be a moderate trek and not the toughest one out there, it still was the first time experience for me and at that moment I decided I should be doing more and more such journeys into the Unknown. Exploring the life with all the experiences and working hard to make that happen, being in the moment, and the abundance would always be there to guide you through all your endeavors. My fellow trekker compared the evening we were spending in the restaurant to Purgatory. A new word to me and the answer to my question what it means was, a state where we wait to enter into heaven or hell. With the day’s trek and the much expected colder temperature in the night, I replied, definitely it’s going to hell for us in the night. But You may Never no, don’t You?
The morning started with thuds in our door and shouts of wake up soon. I jumped and went to look through the window. It was clear. With all the hurry burry I took my DSLR and ran outside. There it was, the view of the village so crystal clear with snow covered at literally everything. We ran to the view point and there we had the much talked about and the USP of this Sandakphu Trek. A 360 degree panoramic view of the snow clad Himalayas. The Sun started slowly coming up on the horizon ensuring us a great view. The Majestic Kanchenjunga much closer and much more stunning that we can’t take our eyes for few minutes. After a long hard look at them, I turned around to witness other beautiful peaks surrounding us. We were searching and finding out many other peaks. The White snow, Blue Sky and the Sunrise was a true visual delight and now it got me back to our last night’s conversation.
The Purgatory ended up in Heaven!
The Final Stroll
After a prolonged photo session, we got ready for our descent. With heavy heart, we left Sandakphu and started our trek into the bamboo forests with the Sun blazing. The total distance of this day’s trek is 16 kms, the longest in the Sandakphu trek. But with the descent, the Sun out there, and the changing nature of the paths, it was turning out to be quite easy. This day we trekked through the snow, muddy paths, into a bamboo forest through most of the morning, then a dense forest, then through some villages, across a river bank and finally a motorway road, it had it all. The view in the morning, where the nature cleared out for us to witness, the trek that followed made this day the best day in the whole trek.
It all culminated so nicely to our last homestay in the evening. As always we were greeted with a warm welcome. And we are finally allowed to take a bath. All cleansed up and fresh from the beautiful day, we all sat around the table for one last time in the trek. We were distributed certificates for successfully completing the trek, hot dinner and chats through the evening. And thus this marvellous experience finally ended on a bright, exciting, bit tiring, very happy note. Cheers!