I’ve always had a problem in accepting that there are people whom I Love will Never approve my Love at all. I’m at my lowest when I’m in that zone.
These things confirm my belief that I’m not up to the mark, I don’t even know what that mark is. This self deprecating energy has caused a lot of lose in energy, money, time.
When all hell breaks lose, when I thought this is final blow in my cemetery, when I felt I had nothing to lose came liberation. The idea of abundance and self love.
Now I really feel that I’ve wasted many years in indulgence with sulking. The only shining spectacle is though is my love for my art form and the people around me. It may sound ironic but Love saved me from what I thought is Love.
The Love which the Abundance showed me, the abundant love that my people had for me. When I was abundantly rich and leading a pleasure life, I refused to recognise those things and was chasing something else. This realisation is the biggest take away.
I’m not sure how the life is going to be hereafter, it may be worse, it may be challenging, it may be lonely and boring but I’ve got the confidence that I’ll survive, cherish all those and come out breathing because I’ve seen the Joy of loving myself and living by being myself. There’s no external factors which made me happy, but I choose to be happy and I live happily and make my own World in that process.
This life fuelled with compassion and love is all I got and I better live that Life to the fullest with atmost respect and recognition that it deserves.
We’re grown up with a conditioning and hope that everything in life happens for a reason and at the end of all everything will be fine. This statement is so true, but it comes with conditions apply.
Our mind is fool proofed to not deviate to our liking rather than acceptance. We want things to happen as we like. The marks, the job, Love, life. We want these to happen as we expect and how we dreamt of.
We become so self absorbed about our wants and likes, translating us into a bubble that only good is to happen and it should be within our constrained world of happiness and living.
But as most people would have realised through our life, it’s just not the case. There’s a varying degrees of resultant action to the above happenings. Some move on, Some go with the flow, Some cling onto it, Some lose hope, Some go on a self-destructive cycle, Some accept the truth, Some hope it’s not yet over and their dream ending is for now postponed.
All these mindsets continue for years and the ones who accept the truth and reality make it out of that depressed bubble and start afresh. There’s always new beginnings, reopening of old stories, further heart breaks which makes the previous one better, which we need to foresee in our life and live through it. Everything is a phase, Happiness or grief. We would need to swim, live throughout without losing our own soul and inner peace.
And definitely if we have this attitude it’s gonna be all well, probably not that you hoped, but something different and unexpected, most times beautiful than we first hoped. Cheers!
Not long ago, I had thought there’s something wrong with me and I need to change myself for good. The way I behave, the way I communicate, the way I decide and choose things and so on. This made me to yearn for things. There’s a prolonged vacuum created in this process of yearning. And to fill that empty space, I expected someone to come and fill it with their presence. Even when someone arrived and eventually left, it created more empty space that needs to be filled and it became void. So it became a constant circle of trying to fill that void and changing myself, expecting, yearning, and this negative force threw me into the rock bottom, hitting deep into depression.
Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you lost everything, you’re free to do anything.
True to this lyrics, I tried to look upwards as there’s nothing below me. I started to rethink about my positives and for time sake neglected what I thought are my negatives. Gratitude that came into me from the people around who were still there for me and by my side on my dark days. I re-grouped my thinking based on this gratitude and the gradual process of healing started. And this healing process awakened me a lot of thoughts and truth, which hit me hard. And the most surprising thing that hit me was, why I didn’t think of this obvious thoughts earlier.
And that Obvious thought which was screaming all along which I never listened was, I was Alright and Fine all along. There’s nothing wrong with me and the ones which I thought were my negative are what makes me truly unique and Inimitable. The flairs, scars, the silence, this imperfection. Trying to be perfect, trying to fit in some other expectations, to be a “Man” in this world, I’ve indulged for long and this has resulted in bringing out a flat and devilish personality from within which was even a stranger to me.
I decide to resurrect myself from these ideas, this age old restrictions, this cultural learning I’ve imbibed all these years. To Unlearn. I made a decision to liberate myself from these imaginary clutches that was strangling me unconsciously all these years.
Let’s question everything and anything which has been passed through. Like a two sided coin, it has good things and also regressive ideas. Choosing Love and Compassion helps and you are in the process of attaining true freedom from one’s Own Self. Every idea is reasoned and processed on the basis of kindness and you’re in good hands of yourself. The most striking discovery of one’s Own Self is that acknowledging that You’re Enough. You’re ought to be Unique, You’re ought to diligent and You’re ought to be Passive if that’s what defines You.
There’s nothing wrong in being a Passive person. The world needs such kind of compassionate, kind and passive persons. It may not seem cool in this part of this world, but we have every right in this world to be passive. In this competitive world, the whole population tries to be actively aggressive and in turn most of them get lost, who fakes to be actively aggressive. Truth and Authenticity is the soul of success. When you’re authentic to your own self, be it passive or active, then you’ll define your own success.
As an avid cricket fan, I would like to cite an example, that there may be Sachin Tendulkar, Sourav Ganguly and Virender Sehwag who were all actively aggressive, but the true back bone was Rahul Dravid, the passive person who would hold the innings at the other end. There’s a misconception that he’s not an aggressive player, but the fact is he was the most aggressive of all. To survive in this kind of competitive and misinformed world and being true to his nature and excelling in that field. He aggressively holds his wicket, his passion about his game and above all he played true to his authentic character and never carried away by the flair shown on the other end. This aggressive persistence to his authenticity makes him one of the finest gentleman and an example to the youngsters who’re seeking their lost soul for toxic flair.
Accepting oneself as is, truthfully is probably the greatest step towards healing and then success. When you accept and understand your own self, then you’ll automatically look forward to improve yourself that’s more aligned to your authenticity. You would seek no other way, no other short cuts, no other acts. You be you and then You become the greatest version of You. That’s all we got to do to attain Success. This further pushes you into greatness instinctively and the other so called Success follows you when you reach this enlightenment.
You’re Enough. You’re Unique. Only You can be You and only You can live your life Your Own Way. This way of living is an Art that can be Created only by You!
With all the exploring, Self Love, Liberation that I’ve experienced in the recent months, which was in turn co incided with an awake of a heart break, Kind of realised a strange thing.
All my life I’ve felt myself of as hopelessly romantic, dire heart lover and all these. But now I don’t feel romantic after all. This Abundance has expanded the range abundantly where I’ve attained a stage where I truly can’t converge my love or attention for a single person. You empathise, be compassionate, shower affection and care to other person. This unconditional love is what I’m capable of. I just couldn’t handle the pressure of being a person with someone’s expectations, it feels caged and wings cut off.
This liberation, even if I’m aware of the repercussions is truly a realisation. The great news is that I’ve never known what I’m missing. To being loved. I’m not used to being loved. And I wouldn’t know what to do or never know. I’ve showered all my love and now the Abundance righteously returns it to me in multiple folds in which I’m drenched.
There would be days however you feel content with yourself, the freedom you would enjoy, free from all the cage of belongingness, you would feel lonely.
You’ll be pushed into an eternal questions of companionship. You’ll seek the need of acceptance, you’ll adore the idea of sharing with that special person. You dig deeper. You let yourself free fall into it. You accept being a person who craves love. You search for acknowledgement for your grief, your happiness, your achievements, your failures.
We’re human beings and the reality is expecting that acceptance. Otherwise you would feel aimless, hopeless. Even when you’re stubborn with the idea of self love, there would be momentary lapses. Self Love is beautiful feeling but it’s a bit complicated.
Your search for a special love arises, it becomes a needy pleasure which can be satisfied by an external Love. These are all human emotions at the least. As humans we feel, we expect.
But the higher power gives us a positive streak. Most times this slip into normalcy and our loved ones comes to aid. This is where your life from the past helps you. How have you been in your prime time, most importantly how have you been in your adversity.
These adverse moments of weakness is arrived into a caring. This time it’s not directly because of you. It’s because of the hope you had for the unconditional love you’ve imbibed from other persons.
Your Mom, Your Sister, Your Brother, Your Friends. They come for rescue. They casually turn around your mood with their Love. The Love they show which is pure and unconditional. All they need would be that you to feel okay. When you hear them out you feel the affection and care.
At the end of the day, all you need is kind word from your beloved ones, who make sure that all is going to be well and you’re going to be a person who can endure the adversities and come out successful. That’s enough.
I start with thanking You. I’ll end with the same note. But there’s an in between.
You’re a precious person as all the living beings in this world. Living, Non living, Machines were all here for a purpose. So You are. I adore the fact that You were looking for a purpose and I adore you the most when you sulked that you couldn’t find your purpose. It’s a profound thing to be aware and sulk for it. Sometimes sulking is healthy.
But you were lazy, you procrastinated, you were driven by fear. You built a cocoon around yourself. You didn’t make an effort to seek through. You failed to acknowledge your own potential. You were finding reasons for not trying and went overdose on sulking. You were shouting at empty spaces and not where it needs to be heard. You were searching for love in the external spectrum rather than within.
Seeking Love Outwards
Yet, all along, you were authentic, you were true to your soul. You carried a style and charisma. You attracted beautiful souls. You were attracted to beautiful souls. And most of them remain your friends. The greater family you’ve got through friends were your strength. You chose love over anything. You Felt. You gave. You survived. The greatest attribute you had is that You Feel.
Your people saw the goodness in you, even if you didn’t. They saw your talents, skills, the integrity within you. The ones who were alert enough to see that in you, never left you. They were there rejoicing you, adoring you, respecting you, expecting you to exonerate your self and become completely you. They showed patience and belief in You, for You.
Surrounded by a Clout of Goodness, you hanged in there.
The day then arrived. You arrived at yourself. Miserably failing in the attempt to find someone to be a saving grace. You already had that within, now you realized it and recognized them. You found Yourself. You have you. You acknowledged the truth that You’re surrounded by a great clout of people who believe in you, who were there for you all along in the needy times.
Now You’ve finally arrived. But there are no regrets. You’ve Survived as you, you were successful on many levels, you’ve failed miserably, lost yourself, you’ve fallen and now We Rise. What you have is a solid foundation built purely based on Love. The roots have gone deep and found its hold. It’s time for me to rise an empire out of it. It’s time to grow, rise and bloom!
You’ve Arrived!
Thank You for being You. Thank You for holding it at tough times. Thank You for your failures. Thank You for trying. You’re truly an Authentic Soul. Cheers Mate!
Alone. Loneliness! You feel far away from the people, Physically and Emotionally. We feel as if there’s a wall between you and others. Gradually we build that in our head and we envelope our-self into it. We start to fear it.
With the current lifestyle which we’re accustomed to, results in the case where people live in islands of thoughts and mostly pushed into lonely state. To carry on a so called better livelihood mainly for financial purpose, we leave our bonding and move to a different place both physically and psychologically. This may bring up both positive and negative effects. We may need to be careful in choosing the right shade of duality.
Do we make an Angel or a devil out of this? A choice, an important choice and our way of perception towards it would forecast our life in the coming years.
Without an Identity!
We fear loneliness, we reject it and we cling onto something or someone to escape this loneliness. When something births out of this fear, it feels superficial. It’s never an organic process as per se. Even in a relationship, take away the fear of loneliness and sex, then discover if it’s really Love. Most relationships which rise based on this fear of loneliness becomes fragile after a time. We subject ourselves, allow the other person to take control, lower our self esteem and expectations. Self pity comes into picture. Finally we feel lost, we feel victimized, we hurt ourselves and others. Eventually we join the crowd, lose our authentic self and in this process we fail to reach our own pristine essence.
We Conquer with our Authenticity.
That’s the prime take away when we start to embrace that loneliness. All the life we were so busy interacting with others and having a comfort zone, suddenly we’ll be introduced to our own self. Embracing our self would now become easier and in turn we seek within ourselves. We have the Abundance always present around us. We would start to acknowledge and appreciate the abundance. Self Love comes into picture. You prove yourself to yourself and not others. Which makes it more compelling. We start to appreciate it and down the road, the appreciation comes back to us. We identify our talents, skills and our artistic nature. We would be surprised by our-self and the person whom we’re becoming. We got to take all the decisions by ourself and there’s always a learning curve. We fall, we rise by ourself. We bring out an Angel from within.
Now the choice is Ours. What we bring out from the Loneliness? An Angel or a Devil.
