I’ve always had a problem in accepting that there are people whom I Love will Never approve my Love at all. I’m at my lowest when I’m in that zone.
These things confirm my belief that I’m not up to the mark, I don’t even know what that mark is. This self deprecating energy has caused a lot of lose in energy, money, time.
When all hell breaks lose, when I thought this is final blow in my cemetery, when I felt I had nothing to lose came liberation. The idea of abundance and self love.
Now I really feel that I’ve wasted many years in indulgence with sulking. The only shining spectacle is though is my love for my art form and the people around me. It may sound ironic but Love saved me from what I thought is Love.
The Love which the Abundance showed me, the abundant love that my people had for me. When I was abundantly rich and leading a pleasure life, I refused to recognise those things and was chasing something else. This realisation is the biggest take away.
I’m not sure how the life is going to be hereafter, it may be worse, it may be challenging, it may be lonely and boring but I’ve got the confidence that I’ll survive, cherish all those and come out breathing because I’ve seen the Joy of loving myself and living by being myself. There’s no external factors which made me happy, but I choose to be happy and I live happily and make my own World in that process.
This life fuelled with compassion and love is all I got and I better live that Life to the fullest with atmost respect and recognition that it deserves.
We’re grown up with a conditioning and hope that everything in life happens for a reason and at the end of all everything will be fine. This statement is so true, but it comes with conditions apply.
Our mind is fool proofed to not deviate to our liking rather than acceptance. We want things to happen as we like. The marks, the job, Love, life. We want these to happen as we expect and how we dreamt of.
We become so self absorbed about our wants and likes, translating us into a bubble that only good is to happen and it should be within our constrained world of happiness and living.
But as most people would have realised through our life, it’s just not the case. There’s a varying degrees of resultant action to the above happenings. Some move on, Some go with the flow, Some cling onto it, Some lose hope, Some go on a self-destructive cycle, Some accept the truth, Some hope it’s not yet over and their dream ending is for now postponed.
All these mindsets continue for years and the ones who accept the truth and reality make it out of that depressed bubble and start afresh. There’s always new beginnings, reopening of old stories, further heart breaks which makes the previous one better, which we need to foresee in our life and live through it. Everything is a phase, Happiness or grief. We would need to swim, live throughout without losing our own soul and inner peace.
And definitely if we have this attitude it’s gonna be all well, probably not that you hoped, but something different and unexpected, most times beautiful than we first hoped. Cheers!
Not long ago, I had thought there’s something wrong with me and I need to change myself for good. The way I behave, the way I communicate, the way I decide and choose things and so on. This made me to yearn for things. There’s a prolonged vacuum created in this process of yearning. And to fill that empty space, I expected someone to come and fill it with their presence. Even when someone arrived and eventually left, it created more empty space that needs to be filled and it became void. So it became a constant circle of trying to fill that void and changing myself, expecting, yearning, and this negative force threw me into the rock bottom, hitting deep into depression.
Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you lost everything, you’re free to do anything.
True to this lyrics, I tried to look upwards as there’s nothing below me. I started to rethink about my positives and for time sake neglected what I thought are my negatives. Gratitude that came into me from the people around who were still there for me and by my side on my dark days. I re-grouped my thinking based on this gratitude and the gradual process of healing started. And this healing process awakened me a lot of thoughts and truth, which hit me hard. And the most surprising thing that hit me was, why I didn’t think of this obvious thoughts earlier.
And that Obvious thought which was screaming all along which I never listened was, I was Alright and Fine all along. There’s nothing wrong with me and the ones which I thought were my negative are what makes me truly unique and Inimitable. The flairs, scars, the silence, this imperfection. Trying to be perfect, trying to fit in some other expectations, to be a “Man” in this world, I’ve indulged for long and this has resulted in bringing out a flat and devilish personality from within which was even a stranger to me.
I decide to resurrect myself from these ideas, this age old restrictions, this cultural learning I’ve imbibed all these years. To Unlearn. I made a decision to liberate myself from these imaginary clutches that was strangling me unconsciously all these years.
Let’s question everything and anything which has been passed through. Like a two sided coin, it has good things and also regressive ideas. Choosing Love and Compassion helps and you are in the process of attaining true freedom from one’s Own Self. Every idea is reasoned and processed on the basis of kindness and you’re in good hands of yourself. The most striking discovery of one’s Own Self is that acknowledging that You’re Enough. You’re ought to be Unique, You’re ought to diligent and You’re ought to be Passive if that’s what defines You.
There’s nothing wrong in being a Passive person. The world needs such kind of compassionate, kind and passive persons. It may not seem cool in this part of this world, but we have every right in this world to be passive. In this competitive world, the whole population tries to be actively aggressive and in turn most of them get lost, who fakes to be actively aggressive. Truth and Authenticity is the soul of success. When you’re authentic to your own self, be it passive or active, then you’ll define your own success.
As an avid cricket fan, I would like to cite an example, that there may be Sachin Tendulkar, Sourav Ganguly and Virender Sehwag who were all actively aggressive, but the true back bone was Rahul Dravid, the passive person who would hold the innings at the other end. There’s a misconception that he’s not an aggressive player, but the fact is he was the most aggressive of all. To survive in this kind of competitive and misinformed world and being true to his nature and excelling in that field. He aggressively holds his wicket, his passion about his game and above all he played true to his authentic character and never carried away by the flair shown on the other end. This aggressive persistence to his authenticity makes him one of the finest gentleman and an example to the youngsters who’re seeking their lost soul for toxic flair.
Accepting oneself as is, truthfully is probably the greatest step towards healing and then success. When you accept and understand your own self, then you’ll automatically look forward to improve yourself that’s more aligned to your authenticity. You would seek no other way, no other short cuts, no other acts. You be you and then You become the greatest version of You. That’s all we got to do to attain Success. This further pushes you into greatness instinctively and the other so called Success follows you when you reach this enlightenment.
You’re Enough. You’re Unique. Only You can be You and only You can live your life Your Own Way. This way of living is an Art that can be Created only by You!
With all the exploring, Self Love, Liberation that I’ve experienced in the recent months, which was in turn co incided with an awake of a heart break, Kind of realised a strange thing.
All my life I’ve felt myself of as hopelessly romantic, dire heart lover and all these. But now I don’t feel romantic after all. This Abundance has expanded the range abundantly where I’ve attained a stage where I truly can’t converge my love or attention for a single person. You empathise, be compassionate, shower affection and care to other person. This unconditional love is what I’m capable of. I just couldn’t handle the pressure of being a person with someone’s expectations, it feels caged and wings cut off.
This liberation, even if I’m aware of the repercussions is truly a realisation. The great news is that I’ve never known what I’m missing. To being loved. I’m not used to being loved. And I wouldn’t know what to do or never know. I’ve showered all my love and now the Abundance righteously returns it to me in multiple folds in which I’m drenched.
As a society we either fear or mock which is radically different from our age old conservative thoughts. We have ourselves created a constraint to our thinking process. We have name it as culture and the fact is, it has nothing to do with it.
When we see someone different than the generally accepted behavior, there’s a change in behavior from us also. Take for instance a basic thing as being a quiet person. As humans we love to communicate with each other. And by means we’re stuck into a mirage that is speaking. The one who doesn’t speak that much has been mocked or either praised. They’re not seen as a normal person with a normal behavior. It is considered rude to ask a talkative person, why are you talking so much? Whereas, we don’t have a problem asking a quiet person, why are you so quite?, which is equally rude. Let’s just accept it’s the nature of every own individual. Some talk, some listen.
When you zoom out and sprawl this idea, you would get the whole picture of this differentiators. The behavior of the major people seems accepted and it’s followed as a fact. But it’s not the case. Not long time ago Women have been considered as a second class citizens, which unfortunately even continues.
These binds by the rules of the majority of the population, the men has laid on. There’s a statistics saying there’s an increase in the divorce rates. When you see through, there’s also an increase in Women employment and empowerment. Connecting the dots, this society has came to the conclusion, that the women who empower themselves have become ruthless and uncaring about the values. But is that the real issue?
Women have become more aware of their presence, their importance and now they feel the right about their empowerment. But the men expect them to be the same and treat the same. Which can never be the case. Women are way ahead in this process of evolution but the men are still stuck with ancient thesis. So the real awakening needs to happen within Men. Their procrastination to the truth is the reason for this sudden rise of disparity. Men need to accept that we co-exist and Women have every right to empower themselves and it’s time for Men to take care of their own self and conscience and not to be dependent on Women. They in turn mock the women empowerment and they’re successful in that process till now at many levels.
If the women are handed this fate, let alone the fate of the third gender. The transgenders are the people who didn’t choose to be them, they’re created in such a way. And yet with all these patriarchal thoughts this society has shoved into them, still they chose to be authentic to their own self. That’s the courage we should appreciate, acknowledge and embrace. But instead we retort to the techniques of fear and mockery. We have as a society failed them. We couldn’t embrace our own people and race. The race, I mean is the Human race. We rather create every chance possible to keep us divided and weak.
Together we’re Strong and we need to help this world to make it a better place to live.
There would be days however you feel content with yourself, the freedom you would enjoy, free from all the cage of belongingness, you would feel lonely.
You’ll be pushed into an eternal questions of companionship. You’ll seek the need of acceptance, you’ll adore the idea of sharing with that special person. You dig deeper. You let yourself free fall into it. You accept being a person who craves love. You search for acknowledgement for your grief, your happiness, your achievements, your failures.
We’re human beings and the reality is expecting that acceptance. Otherwise you would feel aimless, hopeless. Even when you’re stubborn with the idea of self love, there would be momentary lapses. Self Love is beautiful feeling but it’s a bit complicated.
Your search for a special love arises, it becomes a needy pleasure which can be satisfied by an external Love. These are all human emotions at the least. As humans we feel, we expect.
But the higher power gives us a positive streak. Most times this slip into normalcy and our loved ones comes to aid. This is where your life from the past helps you. How have you been in your prime time, most importantly how have you been in your adversity.
These adverse moments of weakness is arrived into a caring. This time it’s not directly because of you. It’s because of the hope you had for the unconditional love you’ve imbibed from other persons.
Your Mom, Your Sister, Your Brother, Your Friends. They come for rescue. They casually turn around your mood with their Love. The Love they show which is pure and unconditional. All they need would be that you to feel okay. When you hear them out you feel the affection and care.
At the end of the day, all you need is kind word from your beloved ones, who make sure that all is going to be well and you’re going to be a person who can endure the adversities and come out successful. That’s enough.
I start with thanking You. I’ll end with the same note. But there’s an in between.
You’re a precious person as all the living beings in this world. Living, Non living, Machines were all here for a purpose. So You are. I adore the fact that You were looking for a purpose and I adore you the most when you sulked that you couldn’t find your purpose. It’s a profound thing to be aware and sulk for it. Sometimes sulking is healthy.
But you were lazy, you procrastinated, you were driven by fear. You built a cocoon around yourself. You didn’t make an effort to seek through. You failed to acknowledge your own potential. You were finding reasons for not trying and went overdose on sulking. You were shouting at empty spaces and not where it needs to be heard. You were searching for love in the external spectrum rather than within.
Yet, all along, you were authentic, you were true to your soul. You carried a style and charisma. You attracted beautiful souls. You were attracted to beautiful souls. And most of them remain your friends. The greater family you’ve got through friends were your strength. You chose love over anything. You Felt. You gave. You survived. The greatest attribute you had is that You Feel.
Your people saw the goodness in you, even if you didn’t. They saw your talents, skills, the integrity within you. The ones who were alert enough to see that in you, never left you. They were there rejoicing you, adoring you, respecting you, expecting you to exonerate your self and become completely you. They showed patience and belief in You, for You.
The day then arrived. You arrived at yourself. Miserably failing in the attempt to find someone to be a saving grace. You already had that within, now you realized it and recognized them. You found Yourself. You have you. You acknowledged the truth that You’re surrounded by a great clout of people who believe in you, who were there for you all along in the needy times.
Now You’ve finally arrived. But there are no regrets. You’ve Survived as you, you were successful on many levels, you’ve failed miserably, lost yourself, you’ve fallen and now We Rise. What you have is a solid foundation built purely based on Love. The roots have gone deep and found its hold. It’s time for me to rise an empire out of it. It’s time to grow, rise and bloom!
Thank You for being You. Thank You for holding it at tough times. Thank You for your failures. Thank You for trying. You’re truly an Authentic Soul. Cheers Mate!